Michael Trump

Shut your mouth while you eat!

April 4, 2010 at 8:05 pm (Eating and food, Family, life, Ramdom) (chew with your mouth shut, fat cow, gross, Michael Trump, sick, why)

Do you or some one you know chew with your mouth open? Well if you are an open mouth chewer (for no other reason than you are just to flippin lazy to close your pie hole) while you devour globs of food. I cannot for the life of me understand why you think it is okay to show the world what is about to go into your stomach. Once food is in your mouth no one in their right mind wants to see your hear you chew like a fat cow. I hope this comes across as offensive as possible because what you are doing to others around your is much worse than I can put into words here. I know it may not be your fault that you chew with your mouth open. Maybe your parents chew their food like rabid dogs; drooling and foaming at the mouth while they try to ingest yesterday’s main course. Take a look around and try to notice haw gross it really is to see what is inside of someone else’s mouth as they chew. Even you gum chewers need to shut mouth while you comfort your self with that tasty lump of goop. I am sure that most of you need to have some formal training in proper eating etiquette. I can provide it at no charge to you, and will except tips from others around you when they notice that they actually have an appetite again. That’s right you are probably the main reason your other half doesn’t eat that much around you; they must be sickened by that sloppy way you eat. Its not because they “just aren’t hungry” it is because you are a nasty person who could change your life drastically for the better just by shutting your mouth while you chew. You’ll be amazed by how many people will sit by you when you eat and may even start to invite you out to eat again like they used to before they noticed that Neanderthalic way you chew. So please it is not to late to change your sickening ways, make a pledge today to your self and others around you that you will no long be the unmannered person of yesterday, you will no longer be laughed at behind your back. Today you will stand up and say, “I am not a loser who grosses everyone out around, today I start a new, and I WILL chew with my mouth shut!”

If you have a friend who should be reading this posting please forward it to him/her as soon as you can. If you would like to be more discrete about it; print this and leave it for them in a place where you know they will find it. You can email me their address and I will mail it to them or even email it if you so choose. But please help them so you can reignite your friendship once again. You and I both know the importance, of this matter at hand, and to delay notifying them of their horrible fallacy would be criminal on our part; we must act now to help them.

There are many websites online; that can help you or a friend with proper mannerisms in public and home alike. If you are a parent of someone who is not trained in proper public edict, you should feel ashamed that you have allowed you child to be laughed at in many situations; when your child is presenting themselves like wild animals. There is no time like now to start your child on the correct path, not only will this bring you less embarrassment and or ridicule it will give your child the chance to excel in the real world and wont be seen as any less of a person.

One thing that also goes along with open mouth chewing is talking with food in your mouth. Talking with your mouth open is not only gross; it is a real good way to choke and die. You have a higher risk of dying while talking with food in your mouth if you are home alone are gabbing some ones ear off on the phone. When food is in your mouth you should not be talking, because not only can you choke, you also spit food into the faces of others around you. If you haven’t been slapped you are really lucky, I promise it wont be long before someone snaps and busts a plate over your head.

Children, if your see that you are more mannered than your elders; don’t be afraid to laugh at them and tell them that they need to grow up and eat like a human. If they get mad it will only prove that you are the bigger person, don’t worry.

Everyone should strive to be the best that they can be, and you should start by chewing with your mouth shut. No one wants to bloody see it, and they probably hope you choke on that bolus of food when you are eating like a slob. Same goes for you gum chewers too.

Michael Trump